Let’s Get this Over with

sasha by brian dobbins
I keep feeling worried over the idea of writing this first post but I don’t quite know why. This is my space. I can write whatever I want. The internet is so vast, ever expanding, with little details everywhere. Everything started with people–behind every page or word or piece of content is people. Suddenly, when I think of it in that way, this place that we spend so much time on changes. So, here it is, in this vastness–my page.

I don’t know why I feel so troubled. I am sitting in my bed but I am always so disconnected from where I am–floating in some place where I am too large or too small. These days take tolls on me.

A long time ago I wrote word vomit, so why not write word vomit here? There is an unlikely chance it will be read. I can hear fireworks and my sister lies down beside me in this bed. I need support.

Never have I ever told anyone the full story of all the things that’s happened to me. No one has ever asked. I want to get this over with. I want to get this life and this existence over with, but at the same time, I can’t fathom not remembering it. What will heaven be like?

Jitni tu milti jaaye, utni lagey thodi thodi
Zindagi ki dori maine, piya sang jodi
Ke dil jhoom jhoom chale jhoom jhoom chale soneya soneya
Dil jhoom jhoom chale jhoom jhoom chale soneya soneya
___________________________
Image by Brian Dobbins. Sasha fell off a cliff and was recovering during the time of this photo. 

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